One of the essential benefits of the emergence of internet and its associated platforms such as websites, Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp,etc is the universality and the unlimited scope of their coverage. As a result of its universality, communication can be transmitted around the globe in a twinkle of an eye. Besides, it affords members of the global community the opportunity to read and learn a lot about other cultures. Recently, I was reading on a platform entitled, “Suwakwa Igbo” – a platform devoted to promotion and advancement of Igbo culture and tradition.
In Mbaise nation, marriage is never between two persons – the man and his wife – rather it concerns every member of the extended family of the lineage-cousins, nephews, nieces including those from the mothers lineage. Those who want to marry from Mbaise but are scared must understand one proverb which says, “The Igwekala of Umunoha will say, to come to me for divination or sacrifice, one must bring a cow. But if one goes to Igwekala, Igwekala will say, even if you bring a cow, chicken or goat I will take. Those inflated demands are mere ‘ebubeagu’ (flamboyance of his shrine).”
To many, particularly the younger generation the post may not mean a lot but to me, the older generation, it speaks volume. Unfortunately, to a parochial mind, it will be seen as if it is promoting the Mbaise marriage culture. Far from it. The title of the posting was, “Why I like Mgboto Mbaise.” If I were to be the author of that post, I would have chosen another title. But the author had the right to choose his title and to do his analysis the way he deems fit to the generality of mankind. The main thrust of the article was to extol the qualities inherent in Mbaise women particularly as it connects marriage.
Many years ago, while I was travelling to Buguma one of the seaside towns in Rivers, although it was a jolly ride because we were travelling on speedboat. Travelling on a speedboat in the sea is scary and frightening but if one is used to it, it is just like flying in an aircraft. One of the things which passengers in a flying boat often do to reduce the tension or apprehension of travelling in a flying boat is to tell a lot of stories and jokes.
In this situation, a discussion ensued as to the tale of one of the passengers sitting by my right. When I heard her throw out an Igbo phrase. I was inclined to ask her with all manner of politeness although she was dressed like a Rivers person. I asked her with all politeness, ”Lady, are you a Rivers lady?” She beamed out an attractive smile, and replied,”No, I am an Igbo woman but married to a Rivers man.”
Evidently, she was very lively and eager to speak more and then, I became more interested in her. By her appearance and disposition, she was indeed an educated lady. She kept quiet for a moment perhaps expecting me to ask her more probing questions. I did not lose that opportunity.
Then I opened up,”Why did you marry in Rivers?” There again, she beamed out another smile and said, ”When I was mentally and physically ready to marry, I was ready for any possibility-Igbo, Rivers or Delta. She added that one of the family indoctrinations she got from her parents was to leave her mind open as to where she will marry and also to accept the fate of her suitor.
So when my present husband came, to me, he possessed everything I was looking for in my potential husband and until now after eight years in marriage, I have no regrets. My only problem is that my mother finds it difficult to come to Buguma because she is always afraid to travel on speedboats on massive sea. She added that by the grace of God, she is getting used to it but would have preferred it if my husband and I lived in PH.”
Unknown to us, a middle aged man sitting next to her joined the conversation by saying, “young lady, you’re indeed a typical Nigerian.” The man was obviously a Rivers man. When he made the statement, ”we Rivers people particularly the males we like to marry Igbo women.” And I snapped immediately, why? And he replied saying, ”Igbo women stick to marriage and don’t like to divorce.” Then I added, ”That is why marrying an Igbo lady is tedious and painstaking but once married, divorce is out of the equation.”
As we were involved in this discussion, something happened then I asked her, ”What part of Igbo are you from?” Then she gladly said that she is from Mbaise.” But one thing she made obvious was that, ”Mbaise women (Mgboto) once married like to stick to the marriage.” It was a jolly ride but we continued until we arrived at our destination.
So when I read the post with the title,”Why I like Mgboto Mbaise “ I recalled that conversation on the sea.
As a typical Igbo man and a writer, I have heard a lot about marrying from the Mbaise nation. The most prominent discussion has been that to marry from Mbaise nation is so much demanding, costly and rigorous. But in truth and in fact, it is wrong, absolutely wrong to conclude that marrying from Mbaise is too costly as this is a general misconception. I have been involved in so many marriage ceremonies in Mbaise. In fact there is nothing as one failing to marry his or her desired person because of the demands.
One proverb which is usually thrown around during marriage arguments, ”money does not prevent one from marrying.” Another common statement is this, ”payment for marriage is an endless thing.”
In all honesty, there is no person today who has married from Mbaise or one who did not marry from Mbaise that would attest that the marriage did not pull through because of demands of the parents of the spouse. One fact about Mbaise women is that they are usually tough, resilient, persevering and enterprising. Many years ago, one time I had a quarrel with my wife, her commonest statement was that, ”I am already married here. Nothing can push me out of this house. I will be here to train my children.” What a resolution and what a determination!
In Mbaise nation, marriage is never between two persons- the man and his wife rather it concerns every member of the extended family of the lineage-cousins, nephews, nieces including those from the mothers lineage. Those who want to marry from Mbaise but are scared must understand one proverb which says, ”The Igwekala of Umunoha will say, to come to me for divination or sacrifice, one must bring cow or cattle. But if one goes to Igwekala, Igwekala will say, even if you bring cow, chicken or goat I will take. Those inflated demands are mere ‘ebubeagu’ (flamboyance of his shrine).
Thus, to marry from Mbaise is a guarantee that divorce will be out of it. So also applicable to any part of Igbo heartland that divorce is typically out of it. It is only when you marry someone from the riverine area that divorce maybe very simple and easy and not when you marry from Mbaise, Mbano, Ikeduru, etc.
Nb: this page is for the promotion of Igbo tradition and culture. Therefore, my readers are free to call me on 08033919188 to ask questions on any aspect they want to know more about.
